Can I see myself staying in Eau Claire until I'm 30?

And now I'm back.

Sweet.

Gotta unpack some more stuff. Update to come soon, I think

Santa for heisman

First item is both bad and good, I guess.

I've never been a fan of weddings or funerals. It seems so final and resolute, and I hate having my last memory of someone being them either dead or forced to compromise who they are to accommodate someone else from that day forward. It's probably why I have gone to exactly 2 of these events in 7 years, and both times it was because not going would've been a slap in the face to two people I respected and admired.

I guess the good news part of this is that for the third time in 14 months, someone has asked me to be the best man for their wedding. This wedding is two years out, which means it's out of sight, out of mind for quite a while. I don't need to think about it or plan it at all. The other two? My cousin's in April (now within that six-month threshold where I need to seriously consider doing something) and a friend of mine's who broke off the engagement eight months before the wedding. So I guess I'm 1 for 2 on dodging the bullet.

Why do I have an aversion to being "best man?" All self-deprecation aside, I find it extremely hard to have been the best friend or best "man" in anyone's life considering I haven't exactly done anything remarkable. I'm kind of nice, I guess, but you have to be kidding me if you think I'm the best choice for such a role. Part of me wonders aloud whether this is just an elaborate ploy to get me to show up--I think if I was opposed to the wedding, I wouldn't go anyways, even if it was someone I respected. But it does make it harder to skip. After all, you're supposed to be the guy that's been there through it all or whatever.

I really don't have a problem with actually going to the wedding for the people mentioned above--I would probably make the exception to be there, although I have skipped out on major life events before for no real reason other than I just didn't want to go. You have to dress up and act all nice and represent someone ELSE in the best way possible. I hate that. I hate having to be phony. And as a best man, you have to show some characteristics of being a competent, normal human being. I'm still holding out hope that both my cousin and my friend re-consider--neither of them would be the best man at any wedding I'd have--but at least in the case of my cousin the wedding date is a half a year away so I actually have to start preparing for it like I'll be there. Which sucks, because I hate weddings. It sucks more because I have to be a part of it. Sucks most because... I'm definitely not the best man in his life.

Granted, he never had a father worth a shit, but I have at minimum two choices better than me for the role. I've always been more of a sidekick since we're vastly different people. We fight a lot. I usually pull it together when I have to be designated leader of something, but most of the time I would rather someone else do the job. This is the same thing. I'm probably capable, but if it were up to me, one of his best friends should be the best man and not me. As for my friend who asked me last week, I guess since we're friends I can't really make a case for anyone else since I don't know his friends very well, but I'm more surprised than anything I was picked.

The key point both of them made to me was that I wouldn't fuck it up like their friends might. In other words, if I just stay quiet and take things seriously, everything should run smoothly. And, in even more other words, it means that whoever they're marrying looked at the gaggle of men in their man's life and decided on me since I seem nice and easy to control. They got the first part right. The second part is where I will let them down. This is the part they misjudge me on, and will be the part that blows up this best man thing in my cousin's and my friend's face. Picking me is a bad idea, since I will by nature do whatever I feel is necessary to throw the most successful bachelor party or alternately test the wedding vows before they are even made with some shenanigans. Since my cousin knows me so well, he's crossing some duties off the list for me to limit the number of chances I have to impulsively throw a wrench in the cogs. It's not really stopping me, just delaying the inevitable.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not intentionally sabotaging anyone's wedding. It's supposedly a happy moment in someone's life where they get to practice the ultimate form of monogamy and lay claim to one person the rest of their life. It's a security thing. If one of them moves outside the relationship during that time, they have an excuse to get out and loathe that person forever. This is why I think marriage is kind of lame. Why would any sane person simply sign up to be with someone else legally? It's all a bunch of self-serving bullshit, some stupid security blanket so that you can tell yourself at night that the person you're with is yours.

Would I do the same thing? Probably not--I'm loyal beyond a fault and don't need any paperwork proving such loyalty--and it's not a commitment thing either. It just seems unnecessary. And it reeks of religious overtones. It's a product of growing up in rural America--everyone's goal in life is to get a good job, have a family, and retire some day. That's it. That's what has been beaten into my head since I was rocking the rat-tail in kindergarten.

Self-deprecation says nobody would want to hang out with me for a long time anyways so I'm kind of lucky in that regard--there very well may never be a discussion with anyone that would end up an argument of loyalty and commitment (marriage vs non-marriage). Unfortunately, I think the fact that people have a generally tainted view of me as being nice, controllable and sweet (AKA a big walking doormat or teddy bear) will trap me in a situation as mentioned above and in the moment I'll probably just be like, fine, let's do it, if that's what will make you stop confronting me about the damn thing.

Anyways. I think my point was that me being the best man for anyone is kind of ridiculous. Most of the men I know that I admire and respect reached out and helped everyone, or they were incredibly talented and diverse. Since I'm self-serving and contain no valuable skills, I can't really say that I fit the mold as a worthy "best man" for anyone. I guess it just means that the lack of judgment on the parts of everyone involved has kind of led to this situation--I doubt either my cousin and one of my friends really wanted me to be the guy or even considers me the "best man" in their life. For that I'm happy. I'm just pissed they lack the testicles to put the real best man on display for their families and more importantly their fiance's family to see. I'm basically a cardboard cutout and will tell some jokes, be cordial and high-five people when appropriate. In the case of my cousin, it's absolutely ridiculous because my family can see right through it--Jimmie's going to be the least likely to cause bad things to happen. For my other friend, I just told him call me again when we're closer to the wedding, and to let me know if he changed his mind by then.

I know I sound disrespectful and ungrateful, but I don't believe it's genuine or accurate. I can probably support them in their next big adventure in life, but for me to be an important part of it kind of sucks since I don't like the limelight in that situation.

I'm probably an asshole. Probably. But it doesn't mean I don't point out some very important things here.

* * *

More bad news: I have to move out of my apartment in 9 days. Usually you get a month, I get 9 days. Mostly on reputation as being someone able to orchestrate such bullshit in a minimal amount of time. I'm very adaptable. I've been putting my options on paper--

Friend A - two roommates, people I kind of know but not really
Friend B - one roommate, awkward situation since it's a woman
Cardboard box - Wisconsin gets cold in the winter
Apartment A - big and spendy, cold and run-down
Apartment B - cheap but in an awkward location (next to my brother)

--and so on.

Nothing optimal yet. Staying here wasn't really optimal either--I probably need to live right in Eau Claire.

Why do I have to move out in 9 days? Because yesterday my grandparents informed me that a property they managed was sold and that the new owners wanted me out by December 3rd. That gives me until December 2nd to find a new place to live.

Yes, legally I have until December 23rd, and I will not be homeless until then for certain since I won't move out until I have a new place to go to. However, since my grandparents have to directly deal with the Realtor From Hell (the bitchiest realtor I've ever met in my life, who apparently holds a very personal grudge against me for being here when they show up without notice to show the house all October and makes rude comments about how clean my house is) I can't cause them any trouble either. My grandparents and I are in a bad situation, and the worse news is that I only have today, tomorrow, and next Monday and Tuesday to actually look at places. Following the rules, I only have Wednesday, Monday and Tuesday if I can get things set up today to go look at apartments. It basically comes at the worst possible time to try and move in 9 days since Thanksgiving, Black Friday and a weekend all happen between now and December 2nd (remember, these people want me out by noon on December 3rd).

I'm a master of operating calmly under stupid circumstances, and I'm not even panicked. I'm not even angry. I'm just worried my grandparents are going to be pissed if I can't get out of here in a little over a week with only my mom and I moving my stuff from here to a new place and to Altoona, where my storage is (and it's full, but I'd just start giving stuff away. Anyone around here need a gigantic entertainment center?)

Granted, I've got legality on my side if I can't do this in a handful of days, but either way I only have 29 days remaining legally to find a new place, and 9 days to avoid getting my grandparents into an ugly situation with the Realtor From Hell.

So, we'll see what happens. Wish me luck.

It's another early morning, not at work, rather at home enjoying the company of my iTunes random playlist mix and another day procrastinating on writing a book (what was I thinking).

I should know I never start things and then finish them. Ever. I'm not a very good closer. I always get something going and then jump off before it reaches the destination. I break promises, take detours, and fall asleep simply because I can't finish things at all. I'm not sure why this is. Probably the single biggest flaw of my existence. I don't do things maliciously--I just get bored, disinterested, or distracted. Or I forget what I was doing in the first place. Terrible.

I can't even finish wr

I went shopping!

I fixed my effing computer and here I sit, typing in a familiar Livejournal window on a familiar keyboard and computer. I only electrocuted myself once, so I should be grateful.

Nothing like Frank Sinatra on a day of accomplishing some personal goals. I finally unpacked and moved in, and my Man Cave is now complete. Or Bachelor Pad. Whatever you wanna call it.

I've neglected this space because there has been nothing in my life worth writing about before a month or so ago. I thought my cube job was going to kill me, but it didn't. Yay! Here I be. I started my own sports show and so far it's been extremely fun. We'll see where it takes me. I think I'll be fine in Eau Claire for now. I do miss the city. I miss it a lot. I might make a drive to one soon just to see the lights. I was pretty much born to live in a city. I live in my own little world so dealing with so many people doesn't even occur to me. It's just like living here in Chippewa Falls--except that there's more critters than people. Just as easy to ignore and go about my business. I loved looking at the lights in Madison, and every time I go to Vegas I pretty much just sleep during the day so I can see the city lights. I don't think I need to live in Vegas, just somewhere bigger than Eau Claire. Texas was fun when I visited, and people are super nice there. But we'll see what happens down the road. I'm 24 and I'm in such a hurry to do stuff that I forget to enjoy the Wisconsin Nice that we have here. Even if Wisconsin Nice means getting deep-fried cheese as a regular part of your daily intake of food. People wonder why Wisconsin outweighs every other state.

More later. I'm going to relax. Realtors coming by tomorrow. Probably to bitch at me about having too many things on the walls.

My living room

I can't tell if I'm really, really happy or really, really unhappy. Think I will sleep all day Tuesday...

Ha!

Nervous today. I'm auditioning for a sports talk show. Am I compelling, intelligent, funny and opinionated? Probably not, but I do have nice hair. That should be more than enough.

I also would like to say chinchilla. For no other reason than that the word makes me laugh. Chinchilla. lol

Outside my house

Ha! moving rocks

Vieo games all weekend

Favre

I'm in the process of packing stuff and moving. I'm not very far, but I didn't really have to pack a lot anyways. Once the big stuff moves out I can take my time moving out the smaller stuff...

Hanging on to my storage shed in case I go crazy and move across the country or something, lol. I have too much crap.

In bed but realizing I forgot to write about my good times a couple of weekends ago. I should definitely do that. Except I'm already back in bed...lol

Song lyric on the side over there --->

"Time To Pretend" by MGMT

I think it sums up my feelings about life almost perfectly except that I don't have a dog. Like for serious, it's probably my song of the year.

*yawn* so I've just been playing video games all weekend. Obviously a weekend well-spent. lol

I literally woke up ten minutes ago. If this were like a workday... I'd be effed. But it's not.

Off to Mankato and River Falls tomorrow! NFL Training Camp Tour.... epic.

Yum breakfast